Day One
December 11, 2007
Long, tiring yet brilliant Thai flights into Melbourne. We checked into the rather insipid Hotel Atlantis, run buy an insipid chain. But it was so in the middle of town that we were certain that we heard a bang as we exited the taxi. It was too late to check out the city; no, actually Srini wanted to sleep. But he made amends by ordering beer and pizza for dinner. Lots of pizza.
We set out to Salmon Street in the morning to pick up our Captiva from the Holden facility. Simone handed the car to us with just one piece of advice - if you are faced with a kangaroo or any other animal hit it. Don't swerve, just hit it. Getting out of Melbourne was easy, and before we knew it. We were cruising at 110 kph - 10 kph over the speed limit. God bless those people who invented cruise control. highway, the At on to the Great Ocean Road - B100. Of course, we missed the welcome sign and we didn't take a picture. But the most spectacular road in the southern hemisphere, or even in the world, was unfolding ahead of us. An exceptional blue sky, even more blue water and a real ribbon of well-paved asphalt. Damn speed limits.
We gave the Captiva a nickname - Kylie. Very Australian, very sexy. That is what happens when you put two straight guys in a car - they give their car a sexy woman's name. The fear of cops plus the unknown efficiency of policing meant that the going was slow. We stopped for coffee at a nondescript town, only to find that two comers down, the beautiful road was a gorgeous street full of shops, goodies and good coffee. Such is life. The road continued to be stunning. We took a detour to Cape Otway and its famous lighthouse. It was a brilliant drive through a reserve forest where the trees looked as old as Australia itself. Of course, we couldn't take the car next to the lighthouse so we retreated stations faded and Srini started playing world music. And I was wondering what Arabian music had to do with the Great Ocean Road. We had to do 1.000 km on day one the taxi driver in Melbourne told me that it would take two days. But he was from Haryana and had just two years' experience in Australia.
The next important thing on the road were the Eleven Apostles - some fell in the water, they say. But we just got a glimpse of the Biblical extravaganza. And we didn't want to stop and do a heli tour. We had miles to go.
The road eventually turned away from the ocean but we found time to gulp a burger, coffee and Coke at Hungry Jack's a McClone. That was at four o'clock and we had another 600 km to go. Impossible? Not in Australia where the roads were just starting to get straighter and straighter. Srini knocked down three hundred of those kilometres in three hours flat. He had no regard for speed limits - well, he took his chances and I slept. Kylie the Captiva is powered by a frugal 150bhp 2000cc diesel, but we were not taking any chances. Every time we ran beneath the half tank point lie would fill her up. Kylie would burp happily and power on.
Slightly bored, I decided to quiz Srini. What would you call a readymade store in Perth? Perth-a-porter, of course. What would you call a scared person in Perth? Perthified. This time, I was the only one laughing.
One-horse towns with one room museums and closed cafes were the norm of the day. It was different. We were in the outback. One town had a tractor museum and another had an antique shop with agricultural equipment on display. Nothing that warranted serious curiosity. But the sheer size of the continent was unfolding. Kylie was doing 120-140 kph and gulping tarmac when night fell eventually - at nine pm.
Night driving was fast but we didn't 'ant to think of breakdowns. That would be terrible, we thought, and not many would stop to help - because they will be driving oh-so-fast that they won't be able to stop. Srini sent a message to Shumi back, home: the road is dark as hell and empty as heaven. Well said indeed.
Fourteen hours down, we were not tired. We were excited. We were doing something that was not normal. Something that Aussies would laugh at since it was much cheaper to fly between Melbourne and Perth. They didn't even find it funny let alone consider it adventurous.
Around 12.30 in the night we cruised into Adelaide. The city was bedecked in Xmas lights and featured empty streets. Hotel Grand Chancellor was again in the middle of the city but we had to park our car in a parking lot away from it. The Chinese lady at the hotel reception was lovely. Anyone who would give you the key to a nice and big room in the middle of the night would be. We celebrated day one at the 24-hour Pancake Kitchen with beers and snacks served by the busy yet beautiful Lucy. Lucy for Big Brother 2008, said the note on the wall. The world looked beautiful and stunning as we strolled back to the hotel and, eventually, got into our respective beds. Yes, we had two beds! And realised that we saved half an hour during the day. It is amazing to cross a time-zone by road.
Day Two
December 18, 2007
The good people who drove into town in a Range came with bad news. We had settled down to Victoria Bitters and Western Draughts at a pizza and pasta place – the only open restaurant – at Ceduna. We were not exactly celebrating but we were pretty happy at the fact that we had half of Australia behind us. Actually, we had crossed a town which said so.
The start from Adelaide was late- we woke up late, showered late and decided to visit Lucy at Pancake Kitchen again fro breakfast rather than go for the US $15 breakfast at our hotel. Good decision indeed, and so what if Lucy was sleeping blissfully somewhere else. We had great pancakes, sausages and eggs with coffee for breakfast with young Japanese tourists for company. It was turning out to be lunch more than breakfast. Full and satisfied, we retrieved Kylie from the parking lot, loaded our luggage and hit the road. By then more than half a day was gone and we had close to 800km to cover and reach Ceduna. But by now we knew that the road was great and we were gunning straight to Ceduna than go the touristy way and visit all the port towns. We had enough of the ocean the previous day in any case.
It will be stupid to say that the drive was featureless. Sure there was not much to stop and admire. But the sheer vastness of the continent was proving to be a spectacle in itself. All through the day the road ran parallel to a railway line and occasionally we stopped at small towns only because we needed to stop somewhere and take some pictures. But the road was fast and straight and there was little else to Dothan sit at a steady 120kph. Then we realized the real challenge and enormity of our task. It was endurance time. It was easy to get bored and get on each other’s case. The whole crossing Australia stunt was looking a bit silly. It was time to tell oneself that ‘this’, the period of inactivity and lack of splendour was it. We were being questioned by the vastness. We were being challenged to remain sane over the day. And for another two days that followed. This was the pain part of the ‘no pain, no gain’ equation. I handed over the car to Srini after logging 300 km in just under three hours. I was driving 10 kph over the speed limit all the time and didn’t think twice about overtaking those law-abiding Aussies who seemed to age as they sat at 110 kph in their Holdens.
Kylie was running well and Srini took of from where I left – 120 kph steady. And that is when the law caught up with us. Actually it came in the form of a BMW motorcycle form the other direction with a cop waving animatedly, but authoritatively, asking us to pull over,. Which we did. I tried to tidy up the car since we were trying some nice Doritos that Srini had picked up from Adelaide. Now, the whole idea of someone to speak to, even if that meant a policeman, was not all that bad. The white motorcycle pulled in next to our car.
‘Hello there, the speed limit is 110 and you were doing 120. I am not issuing you a ticket now because you were sitting at a steady 120. But a police car that catches you will certainly issue a ticket.’ We were happy and ready to take photos of the cop with the car – we needed pics to make this story, right? But then the cop continued to talk. ‘Everybody wants to reach home for Christmas and your family, wife and children won’t have a good Xmas if you are dead.’ He was still smiling when he said that. But it was easy to make out that he meant what he said. It even felt like he had seen enough road accidents and that he really cared for us. ‘So take it easy and stick to the speed limits, watch out for Kangaroos as daylight falls and there can be other small wildlife that enters the road too.’ Cheers then. We requested him for the pic and he said yes.
Suddenly we understood why people were sticking to the speed limit. At 110 kph, the drive was more relaxed than at 120 – and we were swallowing roads at a rapid enough pace in any case. We didn’t speak to each other for a while but the car never really exceeded 110 kph except when were overtaking road trains. Those really long road trains demanded at least 140 kph which the two-litre motor of our Captiva delivered as and when required, without breaking a sweat.
Ah, the Range Rover people. It was all nice traveler talk till they broke the news to us. They were on the road for more than ten hours in the other direction. They were held for two hours on the road because of a road accident which killed two men. ‘There were no other vehicles involved – they just went off the road. Maybe they were sleeping.’ Suddenly we thought of the cop that morning and his magic words that ensured that we respected speed limits.
The road was long and straight, but therein lurked the danger. A couple of hundred km on such a road is a breeze. But a thousand is not. And we have to cover a 1,000 km tomorrow. The thought was a bit disturbing. The sheer size of the continent was catching up with our ambition. It ios going to be lonely out there. And we were a bit scared now.
The Calm waters at the Ceduna (3,000 people) Bay helped matters and we had checked into a motel by the waterfront. Ceduna has its share of aborigines. They didn’t look particularly happy though. But that is a very lengthy topic to get into at this point of time. I said a quiet prayer to the God of the Nullarbor (the desert that we would cross the next day to get to Norseman) – keep us awake, keep us alive. All those road signs that said ‘Drowsy Drivers Die’ were making sense. Relax, Revive, Survive – some others had warned. Now we will take them with all the seriousness. Norseman, here we come.
Day Three
December 19, 2007
It was relatively early start for us on day three. But it was going to be there most important day of our Australian crossing since we were going to take on the huge Nullarbor desert, or plains, as the Australians call it.. Kylie the Captiva needed some oil – all that high speed 700-1,000 day sprints were burning enough of the sticky stuff. On and half litres of oil, a top-up of diesel and we were motoring out of Ceduna. The beautiful coastal town was behind us and there was some rain as we turned the nose of our car towards Nullarbor.
It is time to tell you about the Nullarbor Nymph then. As the name indicates, drowsy drivers often encounter the stark naked blonde Australian woman who runs across the road in the middle of the desert. Of course non-believers say that people mistake hopping kangaroos to more exotic things, which they can equate better with.
A brief stop at Penong to take some pics of the windmills there. The scenery started changing fast as we entered the treeless plains signaling the imminent entry into the desert. At this point of time, spare a thought for one Mr Eyre who surveyed this terrain and opened up the route to western Australia, and in whose honour the road is known today. From Nandroo to the border between WA and SA, the Eyre road ran parallel to the Australian Bight Marine National Park. Add a great to that name and you get full ten points. There were numerous lookout points for those who wanted to get a glimpse of the ocean. The head of Bight was closed for maintenance June and October can stop to se massive whales in action.
There is an official start and end to almost everything in Australia and the Nullarbor Motel/Hotel is where we were officially entering the desert. And you could buy souvenirs tot hat effect. There was enough at the shop to make heroes out of normal mortals – ‘We Crossed The Nullarbor’ kind of stuff. It is another thing that you were doing a steady 110 kph in air-conditioned comfort all the time. The only docor between Ceduna and Norseman is the Flying Doctor – and it was surreal to see landing markings on straight stretches of road. Actually they need not have bothered – you could land a 737 on most of the road that crosses the desert.
The desert lived up to its name – there was even more of the vastness. At times we could see the tarmac melt into horizon view mirror. And we would be the only speck on the road. Occasionally massive road trains would rise from the horizon, become big and blast past us.
These road trains are certainly at the top of the food chain on the Eyre highway. And the other end of the spectrum is made up of kangaroos. We drove a 1,000 km on day three and saw lots of them - all of them dead by the roadside. Most of the Eyre highway inside the desert is not fenced and the poor marsupials get too nocturnal for their own good. In short, if you are lucky to come across a kangaroo, chances are that you will kill it. And kill yourself too in the bargain since these are not all that small animals. They can cause severe damage to small cars - too bars are pretty popular, but you can imagine the havoc when one of these goes through your windshield.
Keeping one's concentration is difficult when your car is doing 110 kph for the entire day on cruise control. And I decided to break some laws and give some exercise to my brain cells. And the right leg. To cut a long one short, we started speeding in the straights up to 140 and at times to 160 kph - till we saw a speck in the horizon that could be a cop car. I know it is not the nicest way to behave and we were running the risk of even bigger impacts with kangaroos. But one had to stay sane and the only way out was to go faster. We made rapid progress through the day and still fell short of our destination - Norseman - by 188 km. The big event of the day was to hit the straightest road in Australia - all of 146 km. Srini was behind the wheel. We took the important pic and then I went to sleep.
We already had a 1,000 km on the trip meter for the day and we were getting a bit tired. Alright, very tired. The option was to stop at Balladonia - a one motel town (just a motel and nothing else) that shot to fame when Skylab bits came crashing down in 1979. The motel had mock Skylab bits on its roof and inside, a 'museum'. The real pieces of the spaceship – original wiring loom - entertained the guests no end. You will also get entertained by such trivia if you have driven 1,000 km to reach Balladonia and the only interesting thing on the way were the dead roos that lined the road.
For once we were early at our overnight stay. The motel bar was open and there was more than a modicum of activity. People played pool, drank lots of beer (served by, I am certain of this, the erstwhile Ms Balladonia) and bought souvenirs. We did more or less the same before devouring a nice, simple hot meal served at the souvenir Shop/cafe. Life was good and we had another 1,000 km to go to Perth on our last day. The Nullarbor Nymph proved to be too elusive even for dreams.
Day Four
December 18, 2007
More than 50 per cent of world's poisonous creatures can be found in Australia and that was one good reason why we were staying away from the ocean. We didn't want a stupid jellyfish to bring our Aussie-crossing to a premature end. But Balladonia was in the middle of nowhere and I did a thorough check of the motel room for spiders bigger than the size of human palms - being oh-so-away from the rest of the world do weird things to the way animals evolve, even worse when it comes to motley insects. There were none. We had to leave early enough to cover the 1,000 km to Perth (this was becoming common - wake up and do another 1,000 km!). I found time to talk to fellow travellers who came in all kinds of vehicles. A rare Audi M, a pretty Peugeot 407 diesel sedan and the typical Australian issue pickups. You need a big car if you live in Australia - bigger on space, bigger on engines and even bigger on reliability. That explains why the Toyota FJ pickups are so common in the outback then.
Ms Balladonia was now manning the restaurant and she served a hot breakfast and we were off. We did contemplate some off-roading to see some sort of a Wave Rock at Hayden but were not encouraged by the motel owner. Instead we would dispatch the 188 km to Norseman and say goodbye to the A1 which continues to connect port towns. We were headed to the classic mining terrain of Western Australia. The drive to Coolgardie which formed the base to the great Australian Gold Rush was spectacular as the road lined Lake Cowan for some time. The Highway 94 was narrower than what we were used to and that made oncoming road trains an even more dangerous proposition. Soon we got the hang of things though. As we left Lake Cowan behind, we passed through acres of severe fire destruction - the smell of burnt eucalyptus trees settled inside the car.
Not surprisingly, we found not a single soul at Coolgardie. This is a stunning piece of kit as far as small towns go and resembles a beautifully restored western movie set more than anything else. Sadly no one popped out of half doors wielding Smith and Wessons and people were not being pulled along by horses. Instead Coolgardie sat there with just the squeaks of the occasional windmill adding the backdrop. We stopped to take a pic of a hotel that looked like it was the centre of the town's social activity in the past and proceeded. An 80 km detour to Kalgoorlie-Boulder, one of the largest pits made by mankind was possible but we were getting a bit impatient about the whole thing. Another museum that told us about the life and times of the Gold Rush (G and It in caps, mind you) and a visit to a camel ranch (camels were brought in from Afghanistan to move the riches to Esperance, a port town down south amongst other things) we could avoid. Interior Western Australia was proving to be more British than Australian. Small towns looked more alive as we got closer to Perth and that meant a strictly policed road. Kylie was running fine and was yet to miss a beat. We changed drivers every three hours and kept chipping away miles from the now badly folded map of ours.
The long drive was coming to an end. We were already sending messages back home about the finish. But spare a thought to the two guys who did this drive. I never told this to Srini, but this drive was also a celebration of a friendship that has lasted over a decade. We were together through the thick and thin of BSM and as our respective wives complain, we spend more time with each other than with them. It is true. It is also true that it helps to know each other when you have to wake up everyday and do a 1.000-odd km on the trot for four days. Sure, I had to tell him to keep both hands on the wheel when we were hit by turbulence induced by manic road trains. And the vegetarian that he is, Srini had to watch me eat wholesome breakfasts as he licked his fingers on bread and mushrooms. But we survived the way only good friends do. Yet that shouldn't stop me from offering a piece of advice to married couples thinking of celebrating their Nth wedding anniversary on the road in Australia. Don't.
To cut a long one short, we were glad to see the shimmer of ocean in the distance that signalled the city of Perth. Like with most finishes, we were running on adrenaline now rather than lunch. Clear markings meant that we found our way to Young's Holden where our trip would come to an official end - in the back door of the garage where a cheerful service assistant took the key to Kylie. An action that formed an instant lump in my throat which required larger than normal quantities of chilled stuff at a riverside restaurant to dissolve. No, we didn't feel anyway close to what Captain Cook did after he finished his epic journey in the Endeavour to discover the continent down under. But we have driven enough in Australia to tell anyone who asks that it is pretty large.
By the way, one last question: What is the transport agency in Perth called? TransPerth and I am not joking.